Three months.
Today marks month three of living without you here on Earth.
It is insane to me that we have made it through these days, but also not insane at all.
I think from the moments before the paramedics told me that Joe was gone, I already knew.
Yes, I hit a phase of shock, but my heart knew he were gone before they told me. Even now, my mind still has a hard time grasping this reality, my heart knows that his soul is at peace, and that brings me peace.
Our neighbors brought over a gift basket the week leading into the funeral. We received many gifts that week from all over – and continually do – but in that gift basket was a sign that simply says ‘The Sun Always Rises’. Coincidentally, we received another sign later on that says, ‘The Sun Will Come Up’.
The same message.
A God wink.
I find it curious, and not at all a coincidence, that I have loved watching the sun rise and set each day my entire life.
I have countless pictures on my phone of the beauty and simplicity of the sun.
My social accounts are graced with many photos of the same.
Our children share the same love and will often call me outside to witness those fleeting moments of its beauty.
Joe’s passing brought a darkness to our lives.
It has brought a heaviness of grief and sorrow.
But each day, the sun rises.
It dares us to reach out of the darkness and challenges us to live.
Each day we have the choice to allow the darkness to consume us, or to allow the light to shine.
We are choosing to shine.
His life brought an incredible light to our lives.
He was funny and had a never-ending sense of humor.
Quick witted.
Hard working.
He quite literally had the biggest heart for others.
Loved Jesus and loved us, both with everything he had.
His passing no doubt was a defining moment for all of us. Right now for the kids, there is life before dad, and after dad – or for me, as Joe’s wife, and now his widow.
Life is full of these moments.
My life is also before dad, and after dad. Even now coming up on the 15th anniversary of his passing this week, I still think about times before and after him.
We all could look through life and find these before and after moments.
All these moments – before and after – define us.
They mark our lives like a timeline and give us opportunity for learning and growth.
We always have the choice to allow a moment to define us, but there is always more than one definition.
We are choosing to start each day knowing it’s a new day. A new day during which we will make decisions that can be better than the ones we made yesterday – knowing that Every Moment Matters.
One of the most powerful things we can do in our life is to simply make a decision – to face adversity, build resilience and find joy in every moment.
In the last three months we have intentionally made the choice to let our lights shine and find joy.
Is every moment great?
No.
But we can find joy, even during our sadness and grief.
We can choose to continue to walk forward.
We can find a way, to make life happy and light again.
In the past three months, we have done a lot, all with Joe on our minds.
We have gone out to dinner at his favorite restaurant.
We have celebrated two holidays.
We have celebrated his birthday.
All the kids have gone back to school for their next school year.
Softball is back in our lives.
The twins have gone to homecoming.
I joined a small group.
We have successfully completed a couple of small projects around the house.
We have intentionally spent time together as a family.
We say ‘I love you’ all the time.
We have found a reason to smile and laugh and talk about dad in every bit of it.
Most importantly, we have found a way to live.
So while this season is so very heavy, we are embracing the pieces of the light that reach us, and we are giving God a little wink back, thanking him for the light that he brings us each and every day.