a heart at peace
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. - Isaiah 26:3
My heart is at peace.
This is the thought that came to my mind as I stood at a clearing yesterday and looked down at this view. Even after a tough climb, I felt my shoulders relax down from my ears, the breath deepen in my lungs and a smile creep onto my face as we took in the view.
My heart is at peace.
And with that single thought this morning, the tears start to flow.
They flow for the nights that I cried myself to sleep and begged God to fast track my grief, and for the single event that even caused me to beg God for that in the first place.
More so, they flow in utter gratitude this miraculous work He has done in my heart.
The trek to this view was hard. I was really excited to get to the top of this mountain yesterday. It's a place I've always wanted to go because I have heard the view is spectacular. The weather cooled off just enough this weekend to make this trip a bit earlier in the season than I had anticipated, but the humidity made up for the cooler temps. The air was thick and heavy and caused the sweat to roll before we even hit the trail.
The trail itself isn't a sharp incline like others I've been on recently, but it's a gradual 2 mile hike full of uneven ground, overgrown brush, rocks, knotty roots and yesterday, mud from all the rain we've had this past week.
We made it to a beautiful clearing designed for a helipad and captured this photo. After some discussion, we decided this must be the halfway point to the top, where they have had to rescue more than one person on this climb. Eeek.
I get it, these climbs are not for everybody. They are challenging and make you want to stop, take a breath and question your choices of 'why did you choose this path' today?
But even as I chose this path on this particular day, I came to the thought that in life, we most often don't get the choice of the path ahead. We find ourselves thrown onto the path, fighting and climbing our way to the top, maybe even reaching the helipad, and start looking for a way down.
As I stood there yesterday, this thought came to mind, Jesus is our helipad.
He's the clearing in the climb that comes to our rescue.
He's the one that helps that climb to the top so much more bearable.
He's the one that helps us navigate this uneven ground, and steady us.
He's the one that brings our heart to peace.
As someone who's fought anxiety most of her life, I have searched for a heart (and mind) at peace. I have searched for a way to release the anxious thoughts, drop my fears and just live in the contentment that only Jesus can provide. So when grief came onto the scene, anxiety took a front row role, locked arms with the grief and tried to steal the show. Grief and anxiety fought for the spotlight, and the battle was a brutal one.
It was a absolute catalyst to turn up the volume to the point where the noise was unbearable, and all I wanted was peace and quiet.
Romans 12:2 tells us, Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve of what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.
As I pick up this part of grief and examine it more, I realize now I was looking for peace. I was searching for a internal peace and I had no idea I was even looking for it, I just knew that I needed the noise to stop. I needed the voices in my head, and the emotions racing through my veins to go away so that my heart could slow down, my breath could get deeper and fuller, and I could find the quiet I so desperately needed.
I found this in getting still with the Lord.
Creating a time each and every day where we got together, and talked. Somedays I'd talk more, and He'd just simply listen. Other days, I'd come with nothing but my feelings and let Him speak. Over time, I've found a quiet contentment in Him. A contentment that puts the do not disturb sign on the voices, slows down the emotions in my veins, allows my heart to beat normally, my breath to flow fully and the peace to cover my body, heart, mind ... and soul.
This is what I believe being transformed by the renewing of your mind really means. For us to learn God's voice, getting still with Him, and learning how to see the world through the lens of his word vs the lens of our emotions, wounds, trauma, or worst ... opinions of others.
This isn't perfect. There are days I find all of that bubbling back to the surface, but there is a perfect peace available to each and every one of us now. There is a perfect peace found in turning our eyes to Him, focusing on trusting Him to provide all that is needed for now, for the future, and ultimately for eternity.
This is a hard-fought battle. It requires getting your hands dirty. It often requires a treacherous climb, and then realizing that you don't need to do this on your own. You can't do this on your own. There is hope and salvation, even on the hardest climbs.
But friend, just when you least expect it, the brush gives way to a clearing and the view is spectacular. You get the honor of looking at the trek you just climbed, the view from the clearing and realizing you and Jesus did that together. You may have mud everywhere, sore feet, and sweat dripping from every ounce of your body, but you've finally found it.
...and now you know what it took to get there.
You appreciate it more, and you fight through hell to keep it - because you fought through hell to get it.
This is a gift available to each and every one of us, the choice is ours if we choose to open it or not.
Open the gift.
The climb will be hard, but worth it.
You are worth it.
Jesus is worth it.
I would be remiss if I didn't also share this: this is not perfect, nor it is something you'll find yourself in all the time.
Case in point, I got home and realized that there were things I had asked to be done by one of the kids, that hadn't been done. All I wanted was to come home, change clothes, grill some burgers and relax. But, the trash was overflowing, dishes in the sink, floors that (still) need to be vacuumed and a propane tank that needed to be filled. All the peace I had been feeling just a hour or so earlier was seemingly swept away by life. My shoulders were tense again, emotion was running through my veins and I could feel my feelings starting to bubble up and out of my mouth.
It wasn't until I took a moment, while washing dishes, to close my eyes, and thank Jesus for all that he's done in my life.
A simple, but profound shift happened.
My shoulders dropped, the breathing regulated and I had a good end to the day, in spite of all the chores not done in the house.
This is what it's about friend. It's not about being perfect. It's about being a little more like him each and every day.
The Bible tells us that even Jesus learned from obedience, through trials and testing to flesh out his obedience. It was from his ability to navigate through the pain and suffering of this world that he was made perfect.
This singular thought gives me great hope. We don't have to be perfect with any of this. We live in a broken world, and our flesh wants to take over any chance it gets.
;but Jesus, He is our perfection.
With Him as our source of strength and comfort, we learn how to be more like him as we walk through each of these challenges. From the depths of despair, to the silly moments of frustration when the trash hasn't been taken out. With His help, we have the ability to live in this broken world, imperfect, but forgiven.
As I have sat and wrestled with all of these thoughts, it gives me great peace to know that I don't have to find perfection on this side of eternity. It gives me great peace to know that I will fail. I will struggle with pain here on earth. I will get frustrated, and angry, and anxious, and sad. But all of that will be a drop in the bucket to the perfection I will get once I get to the other side of eternity.
What a gift we have in Jesus.
PRAY: Lord, help me shift my perspective. Help me see to see as you see, and hear as you hear. Lord, help me to grow closer to you through each of my circumstances. Refine my thoughts, help me
become more obedient to your will, and more like Jesus each and every day. Amen.
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